Pity Leaves Us Silent
Anger and hate against one we love steels our hearts, but contempt or pity leaves us silent and ashamed. – Edgar Rice Burroughs
Every Mother’s Day, I think about the post I should write about how awesome my mom is, but I always hesitate because I don’t want her to get a big head.
But yesterday I was at brunch with some friends, and something my mom used to tell me kept running through my head as I sat there talking to Nyla Rodgers of Mama Hope.
“Don’t play on pity.”
If you haven’t met Nyla, find a way to spend a few minutes with her. Not because her non-profit, Mama Hope is amazing. Nor because she has spent the majority of her life in service to others. There are a dozens and dozens of people that do amazing things and live a life of service.
Spend time with Nyla because she embodies not playing on pity. She understands that pity-based philanthropy is ultimately not the positive experience that the world needs.
You see, Nyla, and Mama Hope, believe that we should look at the world, and the problems its faces, not with pity but with hope.
Why Stop the Pity?
Because when pity is gone, the following take place: dignity. opportunity. support. connection. capacity. creativity. perseverance. community. meaning. contribution. joy. potential. triumph. love. belief. collaboration. partnership. empathy. change. hope.
Think about it. Think about all the contributions you have donated – be it money or time – how many times did you do it because you felt pity? It’s easy to give money or time to feel better about your part in the world, but its amazingly hard to look at someone who is struggling and find a way to help them unlock their potential.
Does that mean we shouldn’t give money to help feed the hungry? Of course not.
But we should demand that the organizations that we contribute to work to expose the communities we are helping as people who share the same traits as us–happiness, joy, hope, sadness, excitement, entrepreneurship–rather than the pitiful people we see in non-profit advertising today.
We talked about ways to disrupt the non-profit space. Think of the current cycle: small, poor company begs rich people and companies for money so they can provide money and aid to super poor, small countries.
What’s better marketing? Leaning on the pity bone of the rich folk or showing how the injection of entrepreneurial ideas and support can accelerate the ability of villages and town to become fully self-sustaining?
Pity sells.
Nyla and I spoke for awhile yesterday about her vision of seeing philanthropy move away from pity based marketing and fundraising to one based on hope. Stop showing flies on children, and instead show the similarities between communities. Make the support provided communities come from an understanding of sameness, rather than a desire to be benevolent.
Nyla and her team at Mama Hope, are working to change that, and the work they have done to date is amazing. 100% success rate with their projects. Projects that are identified by the community. Projects that are completed using locally supplied materials and labor. Projects that connect communities across the globe. Projects that are devoid of pity and full of hope.
Pity may sell, but hope changes the world.